I recently wrapped up a coaching engagement with a young adult pursuing their undergraduate studies.
This is how one of our conversations went.
Client: Ma’am, I would like to improve my confidence and my communication
Coach: What do you want to improve your confidence on?
Client: My communication.
Coach: How do you know you have found this confidence?
Client: When I communicate better.
Coach: What do you need to communicate better?
Client: (after a long pause) More confidence…?.
As we explored what this meant, it became apparent that this was the classic case of the “Confidence-Competence Loop” underpinned by fear.
Confidence-Competence loop is a feedback loop where confidence improves with competence and vice-versa. Without confidence, we revert to fear and as a result, we have a hard time taking action. When we become fearful, we are filled with doubt and procrastinate.
So, I highlighted that they appear to be stuck in a “chicken and egg” situation and asked which comes first. To my surprise, they said “egg” with enough confidence that led me to ask them, “What is the egg in this situation?”.
A moment of contemplation led to some clarity that the egg in this situation is to communicate more. The only way to break the loop was to start communicating more frequently and more consciously with whatever competence they already had. They had to be okay with taking “imperfect action”.
But what stood in the way? Fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of not being understood, fear of judgement.
This is how our conversation continued.
Coach: How do you know this could happen?
Client: I don’t know Ma’am. It’s just a feeling.
Coach: When was the last time you failed to communicate?
Client: Never Ma’am.
Coach: What is the situation you are most fearful about?
Client: Being judged by others.
Coach: What control do you have over another person’s opinion?
Client: Nothing Ma’am.
Coach: What is the worst thing that could happen if you tried communicating more”?
Client: I may fail and be judged.
Coach: What would happen if you were judged?
Client: I don’t know Ma’am.
Coach: How do you view people who try their best in communicating?
Client: I admire them for trying.
Coach: Do you judge them?
Client: No Ma’am.
Coach: So, what are you afraid of?
Client: Nothing Ma’am.
Coach: What is the worst thing that could happen if you didn’t try communicating more?
Client: I won’t get better and my confidence won’t improve
Coach: So, what will you do next?
Client: I will start communicating more in class, take opportunities to speak up and share my thoughts more freely. I will also read more to improve my English.
In the 2+ months we worked together, my client’s communication gradually improved because they became comfortable with “imperfect action” and their confidence grew. Recently, despite not being as confident as they would have wanted to be on the subject matter, they went on to successfully completing their viva at university by reframing their thinking to focus on the opportunity to improve rather than the fear of failure.
Action overcomes fear. Being comfortable taking imperfect action increases confidence through the knowledge that you are getting better, the trust you have in your abilities and the trust others have in your abilities.
We all get stuck in a “Confidence-Competence loop” as we attempt something new or something we are not yet skilled in.
As the demand for cross skilling and navigating the influx of technology increases, as parenting becomes more complex, as the workplace dynamics is ever changing, as we pivot and embark on new ventures, it’s time to ask, “What’s my Imperfect Action Quotient?”.
The more comfortable we become in taking imperfect action in any competence we pursue, the more we create new neural pathways that allow us to choose action over procrastination and action over fear.
My imperfect action today is writing this post. Writing has always been something I have wanted to do but not something I am comfortable with. As I work with my clients and on myself to address our way out of the “Confidence competence Loop”, there is no doubt that comfort with taking imperfect action is the antidote.
If you would like to have an exploratory coaching conversation with me on this or any other topic, please book a complementary call with me via my Doodle link here.
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